


Can't

by tessavirtueandmoir



Category: tessa and scott
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-27
Updated: 2014-09-14
Packaged: 2018-02-14 13:39:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2193807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tessavirtueandmoir/pseuds/tessavirtueandmoir
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>'“You’ll be settling for me, Scott. There’s so many girls out there you don’t even know what you’re missing. You think you want me but you’re with me everyday – day in, day out – you’re my best friend and of course you know I love you but I’ll always feel like I’ll just be settling if I don’t go out and meet other people.” Scott’s heard this before and he’s heard it time and time again ‘we need time apart’, ‘we need to meet other people’, ‘we need to take a break’, ‘we can’t do this right now’. He’s sick of Tessa telling him what they need to do. He wants to do what he wants to do; he’s his own person and even Tessa can’t control that.'</p>
          </blockquote>





	1. Can't (Do This With You)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> '“You’ll be settling for me, Scott. There’s so many girls out there you don’t even know what you’re missing. You think you want me but you’re with me everyday – day in, day out – you’re my best friend and of course you know I love you but I’ll always feel like I’ll just be settling if I don’t go out and meet other people.” Scott’s heard this before and he’s heard it time and time again ‘we need time apart’, ‘we need to meet other people’, ‘we need to take a break’, ‘we can’t do this right now’. He’s sick of Tessa telling him what they need to do. He wants to do what he wants to do; he’s his own person and even Tessa can’t control that.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So basically this was written as a sort of back story for stay - how each move was created and portrayed and everything like that but I'm not really sure what it is now... the second part has already be written so that'll be up soon if I find some more writing muse to finish the third part. Also, thanks to the lovely claire (aluminescence) for helping me to edit and decide where to split my chapters.

_Scott, we can’t._

 

Tessa voice rang over and over again in his head telling him that they couldn’t do this – that they couldn’t be in love with each other. Every time he looked at her, her voice reminded him to stop. Every time he tried to touch her, those exact same words stopped him, if Tessa didn’t first. Since when did you get to decide who you fell in love with anyways?

 

Previously

 

They were alone in Tessa’s hotel room. The rest of the Stars On Ice cast had left to go out for dinner but since Tessa wasn’t really feeling the whole ‘going out’ thing, Scott stayed back with her to keep her company because he knew she would probably sulk or start thinking too much and end up imploding.

 

“Hey c’mere,” Scott whispered to Tessa, his hand reaching out to grab hers as he pulled her into his chest, his arms wrapping around her as tight as possible because he knew that she needed it. He needed it. They both needed it. They found themselves standing there for too long and when his hands started to roam, she pulled away slowly, resting her forehead against his chest.

 

“Don’t… don’t do it. Please.” She begged, and Scott sort of listened to her; he removed his hands from around her and instead used them to lift up Tessa’s chin, making her look him in the eyes.

 

“Tess… look at me.” He watched her swallow and got lost in her eyes; it was never safe to be this close to her when they were alone. “Why, why can’t this happen? Look at Kaitlyn and Andrew… we could be just like them. They live together, they skate together – I’m pretty sure they’re almost 100% percent dating at this point… Tess, we could have a life and I - I could make you so, so happy if you’d let me –“

 

“You have a girlfriend.” Tessa cut in sharply and Scott could see the change in her eyes before he saw the tears. He saw her crystal green eyes become lined with water and he couldn’t do anything to stop it because she was right, he did have a girlfriend, but he would give it all up in a heartbeat if it meant he got to have her by his side for the rest of his life.

 

Scott didn’t care what he had and didn’t have anymore; he just wanted her and so he went for it, pulling her closer until he could finally kiss her like he’d been waiting all week to do. Scott could feel the hot tears on his cheeks from Tessa’s eyes and a pang of guilt ran through him, pulling her by the shoulders until they were separated again and just staring at each other.  This was what happened every time. Scott told Tessa he loved her, Tessa told him that he couldn’t love someone like her, she always reminded him that he had a girlfriend too late into the conversation because he’d already fallen for her, and then they kiss until one of them pushed the other away and the whole cycle would just begin on a completely different day.

 

They stare at each other for the longest time. He watches her breathing become quicker and more rigid and watches as more and more tears roll down her cheek but neither of them do anything. Tessa just stands there sobbing and Scott just stares at her until she sinks herself down to the floor and buries her face into her knees; Scott doing the same exact same thing except he wraps his arms around her and carries her over to the bed, sitting down with her across his lap. He whispers reassuring things in her ear, over and over again, whispers them and strokes her hair until she starts to calm down.

 

They have this down to muscle memory. It’s happened so many times that they both know exactly what’s going to happen before it even starts and neither of them has the decency to leave or change the ending to the always-replaying story. It exhausts them. Tessa spends countless nights alone in her room trying to focus on her schoolwork but ends up in tears and curled up in her little ball as she falls asleep like that instead. Scott starts to unravel having to keep his feelings for two different people at the same time – it’s exhausting having a girlfriend that you like but having a best friend that you love. Lines become blurred, feelings become hurt, and relationships are ruined.

 

The way Tessa clings on him says _stay, please don’t leave me,_ but at the end of the night when all is said and done, Scott always goes back to his room and leaves Tessa alone, abandoning her silent plea for him to stay. She confuses him. One minute she tells him that they can’t be together, but the next minute she’s telling him she loves him and she’s asking him to stay with her, even though she’s already made the point that he has a girlfriend. It’s confusing keeping up with all of her thoughts all the time. They’re so conflicting, almost to the point of suffocation.

 

“You’ll be settling for me, Scott. There’s so many girls out there you don’t even know what you’re missing. You think you want me but you’re with me everyday – day in, day out – you’re my best friend and of course you know I love you but I’ll always feel like I’ll just be settling if I don’t go out and meet other people.” Scott’s heard this before and he’s heard it time and time again: _we need time apart_ , _we need to meet other people_ , _we need to take a break_ , _we can’t do this right now_. He’s sick of Tessa telling him what they need to do. He wants to do what he wants to do; he’s his own person and even Tessa can’t control that. She’s his girlfriend. God, in so many ways is she ever his girlfriend. But he can’t have two girlfriends, he can only have one, and if someone makes him choose... it’ll always be Tessa. It’s always been Tessa for fifteen years. It’ll always be Tessa no matter what.

 

“I can’t do this with you,” Tessa says after every time they kiss – after he continuously breaks her heart and it’s her way to protect herself from everything. From him, from her feelings, from the hurt… from the urge that’s always inside her to say fuck his girlfriend and just go for it. She never does. She’s always Tessa – Scott’s best friend and skating partner. The one that does interviews by his side and acts as his date for various events just because Cassandra can’t come. She’s used to taking second fiddle to Scott’s other girlfriends – she’s used to being left behind.


	2. Can't (Keep Falling In Love)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'Tessa chases him down the hallway and into the elevator where she promptly hits the stop button and everything freezes. She’s standing there in his worn down, oversized Canada t-shirt from when he was about eighteen and he’s standing facing the wall of the elevator, fists clenched tight around the metal bars. He’s not sure whether or not he’s holding onto them to relieve his tension, or if he’s holding onto them so that he doesn’t crumble – so that this whole elevator doesn’t crumble around them both and break everything they’ve ever had. Everything they’ve ever wanted.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's the second part of Can't - they'll be one part left although I might split it into two when I decide to actually write it. I'm slowly trying to get back into writing so the next update will be a little slower but I promise to post it as soon as I finish. Also another big thanks to Claire (aluminescence) for editing this chapter for me - couldn't have done it without her that's for sure. Anyways, enjoy yourselves people xx - Gray.

Cassandra is fighting with him again. They’re constantly fighting. Over stupid little things, over training, over how he’s never home, over Tessa – it’s always the same fight over and over again and he says the same things over and over again just to appease her but he’s getting tired. He’s getting tired of settling for his behavior. He’s getting tired of listening to the other end of the line go dead. He’s tired of listening to her say to come home more often, stop spending so much time with her, there’ll be other times, it’s our time to be together.’ He’s beginning to think that they never had a time and they’ll never have a time. He’s not sure he wants to stay with her. He’s not sure about anything anymore. The only he’s sure about is that he can only watch Tessa crumble in front of him so many times before he caves too. Nobody helps him though.

 

Tessa kisses him. They kiss over and over again until both of their heads are spinning and Scott watches Tessa crumble once, twice, three times to the floor – head in her hands and crying her heart out. He paints the picture clear for her then.

 

“Tonight’s the night that everything ends, Tessa. I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep falling in love with you and then watch you cry every night because of me. I can’t keep up with you on this never-ending loop. It’s now or never. I’m done playing this game with you. You either want to be with me or you don’t. You want me to stay with you or you don’t. Make your choice because this time it’s all on you. I’m done.” Scott sighed breathlessly. He loves Tessa, he really does, but all of this just had to end because it’s slowly starting to eat him up inside.

 

 _Our careers, Scott…_ is the only thing she says.

 

Really? He thinks. That’s her answer? All the times she’s pushed him away he’s been waiting to hear her reason for it all and there it was. She didn’t want them to ruin their career – it was too important. This wasn’t important enough. _They_ weren't important enough. Tessa had taken second fiddle many times but never had Scott ever taken second fiddle to anyone or anything, let alone his own career. He leaves then. He rips her hands from his chest and lets them fall down to her own sides – leaving her standing there in the middle of her hotel room in nothing more than one of his old shirts that eventually he’s going to ask for back. He leaves her with nothing more than two words – _we’re done._

 

Tessa chases him them. She chases him down the hallway and into the elevator where she promptly hits the stop button and everything freezes. She’s standing there in his worn down, oversized Canada t-shirt from when he was about eighteen and he’s standing facing the wall of the elevator, fists clenched tight around the metal bars. He’s not sure whether or not he’s holding onto them to relieve his tension, or if he’s holding onto them so that he doesn’t crumble – so that this whole elevator doesn’t crumble around them both and break everything they’ve ever had. Everything they’ve ever wanted.

 

Tessa runs her hands slowly down his arms, her hot breath easily hitting the back of his neck. She whispers reassuring things to him over and over and over again and this time the roles are reversed; she’s the one saving him and the pieces of his heart this time. Her fingers run all over his body, they get him to turn around, they get him to say just what she wants to hear.  They kiss for the millionth time in that elevator. It’s messy, and it’s needy, and it’s everything they’ve both ever wanted and needed at the same time but they both know that this can’t happen – not right now anyways.

 

There’s been a shelf built for this for almost 15 years now, they can put it back on the shelf and wait a couple more. They can ignore it. They can be lovers and best friends all wrapped into one without anyone knowing. Without putting a label on it. They’ve been doing it for years… this year is just different. This year is more complicated because they both want more. They both want to settle. They want to settle but they’ve never seen the world and that’s part of the problem.

 

Nobody pushes the other away this time – they both completely give in and let their walls crumble down brick by brick, exposing themselves in a whole new way even after 17 years. Scott finds Tessa needier than he thought she was – she’s literally all over him – maybe it’s the sudden rush of adrenaline since they’re stopped in the elevator, or maybe it’s her excitement because it’s new, or maybe it’s the lust that comes along with getting what you want for the first time, or maybe it’s just because she wants him more than anything else she’s ever wanted and that’s why she can’t help the way her mouth curls around his name when he finds the sweet spot in the curve of her collarbone.

 

They don’t stop until they’re back in Tessa’s room, stripped of their closed and entangled in the covers. It was all such a blur that they don’t even realize what they did – only that it was addicting.

 

Tessa realizes it in the morning when she rolls over and the other side of the bed is cold – she instantly panics because she doesn’t remember when Scott left her but then she remembers that this happens every time – that this keeps happening because they’re Olympians and they can’t risk losing their careers for whatever just happened the night before. Tessa waking up alone is also part of the never ending cycle but she knows she deserves it because she's the one who pushes Scott away time and time again but takes it for granted. She really need to learn that eventually he’s going to stop coming back for her, but just because she needs to learn doesn't mean that she's ready to accept the fact that eventually is coming quicker than ever.


	3. Can't (Let You Go)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'It was their story and they both knew it; the one they’d been sharing for 17 years; it had the ever so present emotional pull that always came between them and then somehow, their never-ending cycle was beginning to show itself throughout the program – the pushing and the pulling, the running away and the running towards, the love loss, the brokenhearted, and the need – it had their love story written all over it and practicing the program every day, it acted as a mirror to Tessa and Scott about everything they ever did wrong – everything they ever did together and it broke them down slowly at first, but then all at once.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the end of the fan fiction, thank you to everyone you read and left kudos and stay tuned because I think I might have a sequel in the works it just may take a while to get it all sorted out onto paper. Also one last thank you to the perfect aluminescence (claire) for editing all this for me. Enjoy my lovers. xx - Gray

Tessa shows up at the rink the next morning for practice and just like any other day they do their jobs – they don’t talk about happened previously, in fact they don’t really talk at all, and that’s when Tessa knew that this was different than any other time. She gave in this time – they both did – and now she wondered if Scott regretted the choice they made. The choices they’d been making for their whole lives. Scott on the other hand thinks that Tessa regrets what they did because never in a million years would he ever regret being with her – even if they always had the worst timing for these things.

 

Tessa thinks Marina is trying to punish them for what they did even though Tessa’s pretty sure that Marina doesn’t have a clue what’s going on between her two crown jewels. But why else would she come up with a program that’s completely sexual or an exhibition piece about being madly in love with someone but never having the right timing to make it work? Somehow Tessa thinks that Marina’s figured out what they’ve been up to and somehow she thinks, _this is going to be a long season._

It was their story and they both knew it; the one they’d been sharing for 17 years; it had the ever so present emotional pull that always came between them and then somehow, their never-ending cycle was beginning to show itself throughout the program – the pushing and the pulling, the running away and the running towards, the love loss, the brokenhearted, and the need – it had their love story written all over it and practicing the program every day, it acted as a mirror to Tessa and Scott about everything they ever did wrong – everything they ever did together and it broke them down slowly at first, but then all at once.

 

Scott found Tessa in the change room curled up in a ball against a locker after she had quickly excused herself from practice earlier this morning mumbling a quick, “I can’t, Scott…” before she left the ice as fast as possible and he just watched her; he just watched her because he knew exactly how she felt… they may be two completely different people but they make a whole, and he can’t be without his other half no matter how many times she pushes him away.

 

“Tess… hey, shh… it’s okay.” Scott whispers quietly, sitting down next to Tessa as he collects her into his arms, rocking them both back and forth. He and Tessa may be going through a rough time, but he knows that they both need each other more than ever right now.

 

“I – I’m sorry I keep hurting you.” Tessa managed to choke out, burying her face into the fleece of Scott’s hoodie, her hands grasping at the fabric lightly. She the way Scott’s eyes change at the end of their program when she goes to push him away; she sees the pain she’s been causing him ever since she was a teenager except she never realized it until it was staring her straight in the face – until he was there in front of her, his eyes silently pleading with her to finally just let him in instead of pushing him away and battling with everything all by herself. He wanted to fix it – he wanted to fix them.

 

Scott wasn’t an avid crier, but when something got to him, it really got to him and this whole thing with Tessa was one of the hardest things he’s ever had to go through (besides training for the Olympics and living the life of an elite athlete) and watching his partner cry when he knows that he’s part of the cause, make him cry along with her; but he stays silent because he doesn’t want her to know what’s going on. How much he’s hurting inside because of her and everything they’ve been through together. He never expected that their partnership would’ve gotten this hard; that their lines would’ve become so blurred – Scott reminded herself that this was why they made the boundaries in the first place; so that right now would never happen.

 

Scott’s stuck in the middle; he’s always stuck in the middle between Tessa and his girlfriends and he just wants it to end for once – he wants it to be just one person for once; either Tessa or his girlfriend but he knows who he’d choose, he’d chosen her when he was nine and he’d been choosing her every day since. She’s not just his partner, she’s his best friend, and in Scott’s books that means a lot more to him then just another girlfriend. A life partner, or a girlfriend? Choose Scott. Choose now.

 

Scott chose and he doesn’t regret his choice – he kissed Tessa for the countless time again in that locker room; the one that had so many different sides to them and was exposed to all their secrets that they never wanted to share with anyone else – it was their private space, their safe space to do anything at the rink and they both relied that it would forever stay that way because even if they weren’t ready to go outside and act like this, they could be whoever or whatever they wanted behind the door and that was exactly what they needed.

 

They returned back to the ice hand in hand, Tessa was still a little shaken and jittery but she figured out that it made it better if Scott just kept holding her hand – as long as he didn’t let go until the end of practice then she’d be okay. They’d be okay.

 

In a way I guess Tessa’s hand symbolized something deeper – it’s their lifeline, the one thing they always latch onto if something goes wrong – and the minute that Scott lets go of it is the minute they let go of each other and although they learned that the hard way multiple times, they think they might’ve gotten it right this time and seeing the glimmer in Marina’s eyes she knows that this program helped them get to their place. Their own place. The one filled with love, lust, partnership, friendship, secrets, trust, honesty, and promises. Promises that could make or break them. Promises that could make or break their career. Luckily, both of them are known for keeping their promises.


End file.
